Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011, you leave me no choice....

...sure we had some good times... sure you saw me safely to my door with only the one heart wounding moment... sure you brought a large swath of jolly new pals my way... sure... yeah... all this is true... but... it's over, you hear? OVER! I just can't see you in my future anymore... clear your desk... and jog on

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Monday, December 19, 2011

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Saturday, December 17, 2011

It was the second of times, it was the first of times

Sir Robble Nobblinkton was and still is a completely forgotten hero of what used to be Great Britain. When the sun never set on the boiled potatoes and over roasted beef Sir Nobblinkton was up a tree in the sahara looking for signs of the lost Invisible Palm tribe... when the Kinks 'Waterloo Sunset' was at number one in the hit parade, Nobblinkton was to be found abandoned by his sherpas behind a bawdy house off Clacton's green line. At the same moment the teabag was invented Sir Robble Nobblinkton was falling from the sky in a burning craft of his own invention. Crash landing in today's Republic of Congo, which was then known simply as 'Derek' Sir Robble Nobblinkton spent twelve heat depraved days fighting his way back to civilisation. An excerpt from his diary reads:
'... 8th day, heat becoming unbearable...  put time aside to seriously consider removal of vest... completely bereft of anything to drink, may have to start on the water... discovered a rare form of 8 legged tree frog that lives on the ground and spins webs.... bitten by irate spider dissatisfied with tree frog comparison...'
    When he was spotted taking in the milk in a small village near the scottish border the world's press tore him to shreds, it turned out he made the whole yarn up inspired by tin tin comic books. Broke and in dire straits he sold all his friends for a tidy sum and looked all set to retreat from the precipice when he was suddenly sued for everything in a divorce by his tricky wife who cited his  'faliure to end sentences' as the cause of their estrangement. Representing himself he countered that 'What may be seen as a failiure to end sentences is in fact a....'. He is scheduled to die next tuesday in an open ceremony at the Hope and Anchor, denver street, liverpool. Ham salad and entertainment provided

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Gibberish made easy

Even at this altitude I am often asked 'why?'. In answer I like to employ Winnie the Pooh's time served method of dealing with scratchy headed moments, the famous 'Cottleston Pie'. When that doesn't work I make a noise like a steam train until I find myself alone (usually this takes around 8 minutes)... today I am using green nails

Monday, December 05, 2011

If ya can't beat em.... whisk em

Call free on 0800 67836728292104677634B4545 (45) 45 45FOURFIVE45


It's the cash that I crave, a fat chequing book
give me tiled courtyards in the azores
not warmth, not dumplings nor loving look
book me in at monticarlo with the other bores

Jesus smelled what you did last supper