Zeteos

Coochie Coo

2012-02-09T10:32:00.000-08:00

I saw some drawings on monsters and women on a web site so I drew this... 'How original' the little critic inside my head mutters whilst doing it's sarcasm dance

spidre mon

2012-02-07T17:12:00.000-08:00

Grizi siknis

Avoid contact with kin

2012-02-07T08:05:00.001-08:00

umberella
mighty feller
wellington boots
herbal sheroots

The harple spoon aroun peedle poppy

2012-02-06T17:58:00.000-08:00

heeple peedle pee

Ready brekky Go

2012-02-05T04:30:00.000-08:00

down down deeper down

2012-02-02T08:24:00.000-08:00

Do people still lick their fingers to aid the turning of pages? how about in that fild with Christian Slater and James Bond when they are monks and the edge of the pages in the big book are poisoned? pretty tenuous ey/ Plus it looked with rotten cheese on the edge there

Posture. gravity and a lack of attention

2012-02-01T03:43:00.001-08:00

Fig. 1

Sutch a nutty day

2012-01-31T10:33:00.000-08:00

I maintain my figure by avidly reading DIY pamphlets

... you heard it first here folks? What a scoop!

Mustaphalbert Hemmings

2012-01-29T16:25:00.001-08:00

I never heard that one before

2012-01-28T06:57:00.001-08:00

Nappy pympathisers

2012-01-26T07:50:00.000-08:00

Antique leg

2012-01-25T14:10:00.000-08:00

I spotted this in London's Museum of Piano Parts which is adjacent to the Metronome Research Facility of Hannover De Monay. It was one of the best legs I had seen all that day and for an extra 34 pence you get to kick it in the shin... not hard mind you... just enough to make your toe throb

The northern might

2012-01-24T15:33:00.000-08:00

Remember 'salt and shake' crisps?

2012-01-22T16:32:00.000-08:00

You'd find a little bag of salt in your completely plain crisps which you tore open, sprinkled on the crisps and shook them up. Some lads tried adding vinegar but that was just madness. I used to eat them on the cricket with my dad. We sat in the dappled shade of some beautiful old trees. When I finished my pop and crisps I had a stroll around the boundry then went home. I never knew what the score was or what was going on. Happy days. Last summer I went to the same cricket ground and had a pint of 'flat cap' from banktop brewery. Rumour has it that this particular ale was all set to be called 'Fred's cap' for the wee steeple jack Fred Dibner. Allegedly Fred went to the brewery and had a few scoops with the lads and told them to work away and use his name in exchange for the afternoon's pints.. however, his widow (for old Fred wasn't too long about after) got wind of the deal and asked for royalties.... so they renamed the beer 'flat cap'... and their next two creations were called 'Gold digger' and 'old slapper'... who knows how true it is?

for those not too interested in highly specific nostalgia, here is a picture of a young lady peeling her gear off

Gee willackers mom!!!

2012-01-22T03:08:00.000-08:00

Still making that thing that I was making. Here is a character from it

Tear the roof off

2012-01-21T02:01:00.000-08:00

They are actually tearing the roof of right now. It sounds like three thumbless hungry giants trying to infiltrate a tin of beans

Things that are great at the end of this week

2012-01-20T07:57:00.000-08:00

Rainbow oil film river glug

2012-01-19T07:57:00.000-08:00

Undecided

2012-01-18T17:48:00.000-08:00

wafer thin excuses

2012-01-16T01:25:00.000-08:00

won't keep those necks from nooses

Big 'oles

2012-01-11T20:02:00.001-08:00

see you in a bit

The weevil and the damage done

2012-01-10T18:15:00.000-08:00

Things that are brilliant this week

2012-01-10T05:01:00.001-08:00

Nowhat

2012-01-09T07:48:00.001-08:00

Sartorial

2012-01-07T05:42:00.000-08:00

There is a great blog/ web/ tumblr... whatever the hell they call it... and it has on pictures of people looking double slick... some times they look like right teapots but overall they have a great selection of those among us who possess natural elegance, taste and often, even POISE (I know, imagine that!!!). I spotted a fotie on there of some owd lad and it inspired this drawing.... there see, now wasn't that a waste of your time... back to work!

Cracked actor version 1a

2012-01-06T17:59:00.000-08:00

soul love

Colombian superman

2012-01-04T03:06:00.000-08:00

...spotted in Guernsey. 'I have nothing to say' he is reported to have ironically said

Then when ken

2012-01-02T09:39:00.001-08:00

again, zen hen

2011, you leave me no choice....

2011-12-31T06:53:00.000-08:00

...sure we had some good times... sure you saw me safely to my door with only the one heart wounding moment... sure you brought a large swath of jolly new pals my way... sure... yeah... all this is true... but... it's over, you hear? OVER! I just can't see you in my future anymore... clear your desk... and jog on

Ashlimb offa tha book o'kells boy!

2011-12-30T08:45:00.000-08:00

Hello Bernard

How do you kill a circus?

2011-12-21T11:09:00.001-08:00

Go for the juggler

ding dong merrily on horrific

2011-12-20T05:06:00.000-08:00

That milkshake brings all the yardies to the barge

2011-12-19T04:21:00.000-08:00

Travelling without due care and a tendril

G'day cobber

2011-12-18T09:06:00.001-08:00

Have a wash

It was the second of times, it was the first of times

2011-12-17T06:42:00.000-08:00

Sir Robble Nobblinkton was and still is a completely forgotten hero of what used to be Great Britain. When the sun never set on the boiled potatoes and over roasted beef Sir Nobblinkton was up a tree in the sahara looking for signs of the lost Invisible Palm tribe... when the Kinks 'Waterloo Sunset' was at number one in the hit parade, Nobblinkton was to be found abandoned by his sherpas behind a bawdy house off Clacton's green line. At the same moment the teabag was invented Sir Robble Nobblinkton was falling from the sky in a burning craft of his own invention. Crash landing in today's Republic of Congo, which was then known simply as 'Derek' Sir Robble Nobblinkton spent twelve heat depraved days fighting his way back to civilisation. An excerpt from his diary reads:
'... 8th day, heat becoming unbearable... put time aside to seriously consider removal of vest... completely bereft of anything to drink, may have to start on the water... discovered a rare form of 8 legged tree frog that lives on the ground and spins webs.... bitten by irate spider dissatisfied with tree frog comparison...'
When he was spotted taking in the milk in a small village near the scottish border the world's press tore him to shreds, it turned out he made the whole yarn up inspired by tin tin comic books. Broke and in dire straits he sold all his friends for a tidy sum and looked all set to retreat from the precipice when he was suddenly sued for everything in a divorce by his tricky wife who cited his 'faliure to end sentences' as the cause of their estrangement. Representing himself he countered that 'What may be seen as a failiure to end sentences is in fact a....'. He is scheduled to die next tuesday in an open ceremony at the Hope and Anchor, denver street, liverpool. Ham salad and entertainment provided

Crimes against emotion

2011-12-13T04:10:00.001-08:00

All aboard the Beige train!

Gibberish made easy

2011-12-06T04:52:00.000-08:00

Even at this altitude I am often asked 'why?'. In answer I like to employ Winnie the Pooh's time served method of dealing with scratchy headed moments, the famous 'Cottleston Pie'. When that doesn't work I make a noise like a steam train until I find myself alone (usually this takes around 8 minutes)... today I am using green nails

If ya can't beat em.... whisk em

2011-12-05T16:47:00.000-08:00

Call free on 0800 67836728292104677634B4545 (45) 45 45FOURFIVE45

It's the cash that I crave, a fat chequing book
give me tiled courtyards in the azores
not warmth, not dumplings nor loving look
book me in at monticarlo with the other bores

Jesus smelled what you did last supper

Killer civil servant

2011-12-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

great glangling gizzards!

How much is that doggy with a window?

2011-11-28T14:30:00.000-08:00

The one with the double glazed pane?
How much is that doggy's PVC window
i heard that they repell heavy rain

More rain based nonsense tomorrow....
same rain based nonsense time
same rain based nonsense channel

Bizarre Experiments in Tea

2011-11-28T07:13:00.000-08:00

Anyone with ANY clue what type of result I was hoping for here, please contact me to clear things up

Rain in my shoes

2011-11-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

Kentucky rain keeps coming down

Ovum chips?

2011-11-26T09:12:00.000-08:00

Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad's tits... no wait... that's not it

Goat in the machine

2011-11-23T04:15:00.000-08:00

New business opportunities available in 'your' area. Not your neighbourhood, oh no, the area that causes catholics to reach for the rosary... YES! THE BARGAIN DEBASEMENT!!!!! den den derrrrrrrr!

That difficult third album

2011-11-22T09:08:00.000-08:00

I know what you're thinking, that's quite the hidden epigram isn't it? Well congratulations on a keen eye you lucky muppets. I wonder if anyone can see the REALLY hidden epigram that isn't even there?

Don't phone in, it's just for fun

Celebrate the middle man

2011-11-14T05:20:00.000-08:00

I think the entertainment middle man is receiving faaaaaaaar too much credit these days. Simon Cowell is your archetypal entertainment middle man and unfortunately his parade of fantasist human fodder are all too willing to be the oil on his cogs.

Last train to London

2011-11-10T08:07:00.001-08:00

You make me sick

I mean that less than lightly

I prefer winter's coat

to the other type of whitey

just realised that 'whitey' can be used in the context of "Down with whitey"... that isn't what I was etty grat. I was refering to the types of reaction weekend visitors to Amsterdam's famous coffee shops often experience. Disorientation, garbled speech paddles, cold sweating, spinal shivers, dicky tummbly and wild presumptions as to whether or not you may be leaking something important... 'throwing a whitey' is the phrase that places all these interesting symptoms in a neat concise parlock

Twilight: sprayed sparkles

2011-11-09T06:20:00.000-08:00

Sandra 'Flakes' Timpany entered the bar with a coiled whirl of street dust swozzling her fetlocks before skitting upon the floor boards with a camp swoon. 'How's the form?' asked a passing waitress without warmth or humour...or passing... there she stood mouth agape and tip winning ways prominently vying for a tent peg... tension.. ATtention. 'Fine' said Sandra, although she soon wozzle

Is it right that every mum's favourite vampire heart throb has gone and landed his on screen missus in the family way?

The war on telly

2011-11-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

You know who was a great actor? The wee girl who played the wee girl in Fatal Attraction. There is a scene in which Michael Douglas and the wee girl are playing a card trick game trick and that girl, in the space of 20 seconds, out acts everyone else in the whole rest of the flick . I wonder what happened to her? She really did play the part brilliantly

Amusement pork

2011-10-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

Love - 15

A great opportunity...

2011-10-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

...to take another peep at them shoes. mmmmm, yes sir, thems are shoes alright

Arbitrary armendments

2011-10-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

dashing through the snow with a one armed house ok
over the hill billy shacks booked in next sundaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Declining shine pages one through nine

2011-10-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

Alas poor Dionne, I Warwick her well

When the clock on the wall strikes ten

2011-10-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

His excellency's car!!!

Feeling much better

2011-10-17T15:18:00.000-07:00

trail mix!

Woooooooooooooooo

2011-10-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

no athletes in this village

Forgotten gangland

2011-10-06T13:33:00.000-07:00

'Tits Mandrake' was head of the Falafel Family which spread it's marmalade fingers across the sliced toast world of shop soiled heroin... it didn't last long and the entire operation went straight, switching to the lucrative energy drink craze coupled with the introduction of a string of country and western gyms across Switzerland... high profile criminals at the time breathed a sigh of relief at Tits' relinquishment of his underworld pretentions as he was widely considered a bit of a nob.... and the name alone was quite ridiculous.

Tits Mandrake died alone at an Osmans play the classics gig in 1989. He was 57 and high on carrots

Liars and tinkers and bras... oh my

2011-10-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

Pink's not red

2011-09-29T10:15:00.000-07:00

Go and see the frogman and telling him all your troubles...
take your umbrella cause he keeps on blowing bubbles

It's always time for tea

The feel good christmas hit

2011-09-26T05:33:00.000-07:00

Nelson Crane had to attend rehab or face a custodial sentence in the state pen. Giving up his job as party organiser for wayward college girls Nelson heads for the crisp air of some mountains... he's really got to kick the scag.... but before he does....

'Hey now you're an all star get your game on go plaaaaaaaaaaaaay....'Hey now you're a rock star get your game on go plaaaaaaaaaaaaay'

Into the great wide open

2011-09-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

Let's see what happens now....

mental the handy cap supports

2011-09-23T04:23:00.000-07:00

Water is nice

sugar and shoelaces

Sew you on a bee you boxer... wanna be th'champ

2011-09-21T10:03:00.000-07:00

ders a crase in my fleece

donald trump need s a thump

wax bee night shade oil spill

jazz poem ........ seven

Developing head aches

2011-09-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

urp!

Hit the north

2011-09-16T07:13:00.000-07:00

She's am aqua bint baby

float bent feather coral gills

stands a residency dance commitment

through empty bars percussive fills

Finger popping- 24 hour shopping

2011-09-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

You know when you are getting a bit long in the tooth when you look at the wee yins and cannot fathom their antics... I speak specifically of the trend towards photographing yourself, either at arms length or in a mirror. I recall when no one EVER stood there taking photos of themselves... however this isn't the worst of it... there is also that trend towards taking photos of your own arse!!!! Yeah... I know. The irony being that most of the people who manage to get a snap of their bum are often very attractive and would have no trouble convincing someone else to photograph it on their behalf... it's a paradox... 'A person so sexy they have to take photos of themselves... often standing by a toilet' .... You see what I am getting at? A class act it aint

How do you, doo?

2011-09-13T09:04:00.001-07:00

In the course of an average day I am often asked on average... so here's how

fig-1

Using 'Gilbert's Column', the unsurpassed method for creating curved unpopular stature reinterminance, roughly (to within a nano metre) lay down some sort of an idea as to the surrounding land

fig-2

very accurately draw in the tope half of the picture you wish to assemble... REMEMBER: BY THIS POINT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO GOING BACK AND ANY INJURY AT SUCH ALTITUDE COULD RESULT IN INSTANT DEATH... POSSIBLY EVEN QUICKER THAN THAT.

I often like to use the silouette of a breaching hump back whale to sketch the hair area of a drawing. For best results I use the great beast in it's ascent

fig-2 Reference. There is no shame in whole heartedly mentioning photographic respresentations of something you may later rely on in court

fig-3 Draw in any missing parts of the drawing

fig-5 colour the whole thing blue

NB- a simple pile of blues scrawled next to you finished piece, whilst there ONLY to mislead can be easily added at any time

Well that's how I do it, and now my assistant will pass among you with his collection bucket

'To paint is very nice, but stealing makes you a genius'- Pablo Pancreas

Reasons to be doubtful

2011-09-10T08:07:00.001-07:00

If there is a higher power who loves us, why would he/she allow to exist..
-Mucus
-Tooth ache
-Bud light

blah blah...

2011-09-09T04:04:00.000-07:00

blah

Too mard to imagine

2011-09-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

come one, come t'other

come my viewers three

another day spent drawing

yet nothing here to see

Which type o'graphy are you?

2011-09-07T04:39:00.000-07:00

I installed a tap in my pigeon

to relieve that intestinal glue

I left it running all last night

and filled the loft with pigeon poo

This is not a love song

2011-09-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

Grown antlers barely covered in skin, the soft velvet moss

Don't belong

2011-08-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

One two, one two... ready steady... CHIPS!!!

Viva Scrovovia

2011-08-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

Here is my entry for the 'design a flag' contest held over at www.graphicdesignavalanche.org.

People from all over Latuntania have been contacted to find out exactly what they think.

stressed or depressed?

2011-08-23T12:10:00.000-07:00

Is your life without highlights, great friends and a standard of existence that befits your own idea of yourself?

.... if the answer is yes (lots) then please stop calling me as you are quite a drag

Colour N Keep

2011-08-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

colour this in and keep it

New project

2011-08-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

Me and my pal Sean are going to make a thing. Rather than post initial scribbles and all that cobblers which serve only to weaken, drain and deflate the gusto necessary to complete ANYTHING with animation, I am treating 'you', the great unwashed to a picture of Michelle Gomez who I happen to think is quite the sauce bottle.... oh yes

Terrifying vistas

2011-08-17T03:30:00.000-07:00

They walk among us and they never clean their teeth

with unbridled thusiasm there goes all the beef

Berometers over bermuda

2011-08-16T03:24:00.000-07:00

The flashing blade

Different levels of the devil's cutlery

2011-08-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

It was off to work with a smile and a song... little did he know

Live Surgery

2011-08-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

Mine glows in the dark... the doctors are baffled

White men can't joke

2011-08-12T09:15:00.001-07:00

I wonder what that means?

Do you remember Walter?

2011-08-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

something of a quick splash about here. The clumsily hacked and coloured flash vectors couldn't be more wrong in terms of the nuanced appeal I seek to achieve... cough

Their hearts were filled with springs

2011-08-10T05:35:00.000-07:00

Further to my on going forays into the wonderfilled world of no humour. Here is an example of the type of things that it is that you know that it what that it does.

Same same but different

2011-08-09T09:27:00.001-07:00

Pickulickles

Collect them all

2011-08-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

Is this part of the hipster 'movement'? The fellas that look like mechanics but most likely run design agencies or niche clothing outlets. Often covered extensively in tattoos and they wear woolly hats even out of woolly hat weather. I suspect that they came to be as some sort of answer to the simpering metro sexual hipster guys, a polar opposite... two sides of the same grubby coin.

Listen up and I'll tell a story

2011-08-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

get a job!!!

the english scheme

2011-08-05T06:07:00.000-07:00

o'er grassy dale and low land scene. Come see come hear the english scheme

The fly the fly

2011-08-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

I wonder why

like lamb to mutton

the zip beats the button

Neil's Diamonds

2011-08-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

money talks... it don't sing and dance and it don't walk

Kiss me where the sun don't shine

2011-07-29T05:05:00.000-07:00

... Galashiels

Classic chickens of 1834

2011-07-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

I bought a canoe from ebay

but the paddle was sadly forgotten

it also lacked both sides and it's ends

plus the bit that goes across the bottom

My fingers hurt

2011-07-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

get a tattoo

admire graphic design

ride a skateboard

...and maybe, a piercing or twelve... now you're ready

Mooses making excuses

2011-07-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

...about abuses of juices

This picture is just to kind of accompany the link that I found just now. I lost it for ages and was thoroughly disappointed in myself for such shoddy attention. Have a geez of this lad's aeroplane cartoons and if they do not make you smile and immediately try to draw something similar then I put it to you that you ARE DEAD from the ears down

http://jeanbarbaud.blogspot.com/

have a look, he really is rather splendid

Sail boats, canal boats... and cruisers too

2011-07-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

all britain's water ways waiting for you.

I found a picture of a wee oriental looking girl and made this from it's shape (read: coppied it and applied 200 filters in photoshop until it looked slightly different)

hyeah... cables... hyeah

It looks like it is ALL lies

2011-07-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

that's a shame isn't it

Terence Stamp

2011-07-19T04:29:00.000-07:00

Dolly jiggle
Kinieval ramp
Malcolm in the middle

Slow down Mr Cadburys rabbit man

2011-07-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

Great crashing gumboots

2011-07-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

There was a young man from Tralee

Who was stung on the neck by a wasp

when asked 'did it hurt?'

he replied 'no not a bit...'

'it can do it again if it likes

Tempura receipts

2011-07-16T13:26:00.000-07:00

There's no snorkels without toes on something