press start to stop

Some type of bizarre hybrid HE-man cat thing and a woman based on a photo of an extremely ill prepared motor cyclist

Beards on broadway

It's such a purple day

I'm glad it's no longer blue

Then is the new now

can't get no respect

In the last few posts are references to some songs... if you can name them all then you will recieve a limited (1) edition piece of hurray... am I talking to myself again?

merry november to all

Her name was Pauline

I know I know... she's be more scuffed up living in a tree and all that but I left all my 'scuff coloured' pens on the bus last week so it is impossible for me to effectively represent a proper scuff... sorry but that's the way it is... I have written to the gass board several time and on each occation I have been assured that they cannot do a thing about it... they actually became quite rude of the telephone

Rags and bones, are we finally alone?

This is like a type of optical delusion... the longer you look at it... the less happens. I had a stare at it for around 37 minutes earlier and was astounded that after the initial 'very little occuring' I slowly reached a level of 'absolutely not one thing going on'. So effective was this technique that some birds actually stopped in mid air and refused to come down.

How to

now we can learn how to draw someone asleep/ unconscious/ dead/ fallen over
A) Begin by drawing someone asleep/ unconscious/ dead/ fallen over
B) colour it in
C) retire to the kitchen for a bit of fruit or to wear a mask and wave at the neighbours
F) catch up on that correspondence you have been neglecting

that's the sort of responsibility you draw straws for if you're mad enough

Internet tours 2034

Back on the shopahol, the tale of the shopaholic

She has a haircut a little bit like that one out of Black Books... you know, Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey and that one with the hair cut... Tasmin... something or other... anyway... this one here above has a haircut that reminds me a little bit of that haircut that she has on black books... you know... Tasmin Greig... tasmin Greig has a haircut a bit like this one here... you know... out of black books... she was good in 'the green wing' too... they were all good in that...alan partridges mate Dan and that one from 'hippies'... especially good was Michelle Gomez who is a right sauce bottle too by the way

Weasels ripped my flumps

60% beaver... 19% lawyers first mate (with honours)... 22% bad maths

Moody eyeballs on fishing rods

smoking hemp with my cephlopods

Will wonders never crease?

tackling the peat bogs of yestermorrow

on the never never

Up on cripple creek

Annoyie Mouse

and then... just after that came.... THIS

Up coming events

Everyones favourite cockney fake rogue tough nut Danny Dyer coming to a small screen near you sometime soon

Chunky fat, carrying a few extra folds???

Laugh away that unattractive wobbly flesh with this new and improved chortle type joke... which isn't funny

Electric german neighbours

laughing at ya through the bran flakes

My most favouritist

I like this joke I made pretty much 200% more than anyone else... which is no redundant boast considering everyone subjected to it dislikes it with every fibre in their bodies

Hat? No hat?

Is it a hat day or is it NO?.... votes will be counted at 2.52pm or 14.52 or 7 minutes ago

That reminds me...

....of things

Tea drinking

I started with the horse... I have no clue why the rest got involved

Coming soon, to a tiny screen near you

v

Paternity crish bombardier speckled hen

roger dodger over and trout... seabass.... whelks.....

glinesykimpossiblycheapsmut

Maw-mo

This is becoming popular....

It would appear that some folks I admire from a distance are making these 'influence' charts.
Obviously I thought that it was another attempt by the internet to promote narcissism in a
new and creative way... then I thought ahh bollocks to it....

Can you guess the arters? Do you care? One lump or two?

Corn Ice cream

karambolage

Precious little sense

what the hell is going on with those arms?
answers on a Tuesday

My mermaid meets machine mended moon maple

Send 5 dollars for a free haircut

The Sulphide ranger

Blisters!!!!

Pretty obvious back slap

Pretty Olive backwards
On her cheek I laid a peck
Cuddle cripple slap dash
She wrote me out a cheque
Normal fiddle fling floo
I felt I really should
Nibble shippy clasp rasp
Give her some old wood

Cheese and onion

set fire to everyone other than David Attenborough

When did it become de rigueur for folks running shops/ businesses to look moody? Is it just a sack of marketing shit? I wonder... here is a formula you may have noticed....

A) an introduction

{head shot ...to camera)

"we make cakes/ tattoos/ repossess cars/ run some type of business"

B) footage of people doing what they said they did in the intro

{wobbly camera round kitchen/ shop/ some type of business practice intersperced with 'personal' interviews of people explaining the rudimentary footage you just saw}

"we really need to make this/ do this/ collect this/ catch this"

C) some type of sucky epilogue

{head shot dialogue interspersed with previous footage of people doing jobs}

"We did it/ made it/ paid for it/ chewed it/ argued about it/ made moody faces over it

The end...

Meanwhile at the Copa

They have half price pitchers and spicey wing night

Tattah

This is an old gag I saw in an underground comic about 400 years ago. Since I have a habit of giving all my possessions away I no longer have it... just so you know, it is someone elses idea, I just redrew it