Coochie Coo

I saw some drawings on monsters and women on a web site so I drew this... 'How original' the little critic inside my head mutters whilst doing it's sarcasm dance

spidre mon

Grizi siknis

Avoid contact with kin

umberella
mighty feller
wellington boots
herbal sheroots

The harple spoon aroun peedle poppy

heeple peedle pee

Ready brekky Go

down down deeper down

Do people still lick their fingers to aid the turning of pages? how about in that fild with Christian Slater and James Bond when they are monks and the edge of the pages in the big book are poisoned? pretty tenuous ey/ Plus it looked with rotten cheese on the edge there

Posture. gravity and a lack of attention

Fig. 1

Sutch a nutty day

I maintain my figure by avidly reading DIY pamphlets

... you heard it first here folks? What a scoop!

Mustaphalbert Hemmings

I never heard that one before

Nappy pympathisers

Antique leg

I spotted this in London's Museum of Piano Parts which is adjacent to the Metronome Research Facility of Hannover De Monay. It was one of the best legs I had seen all that day and for an extra 34 pence you get to kick it in the shin... not hard mind you... just enough to make your toe throb

The northern might

Remember 'salt and shake' crisps?

You'd find a little bag of salt in your completely plain crisps which you tore open, sprinkled on the crisps and shook them up. Some lads tried adding vinegar but that was just madness. I used to eat them on the cricket with my dad. We sat in the dappled shade of some beautiful old trees. When I finished my pop and crisps I had a stroll around the boundry then went home. I never knew what the score was or what was going on. Happy days. Last summer I went to the same cricket ground and had a pint of 'flat cap' from banktop brewery. Rumour has it that this particular ale was all set to be called 'Fred's cap' for the wee steeple jack Fred Dibner. Allegedly Fred went to the brewery and had a few scoops with the lads and told them to work away and use his name in exchange for the afternoon's pints.. however, his widow (for old Fred wasn't too long about after) got wind of the deal and asked for royalties.... so they renamed the beer 'flat cap'... and their next two creations were called 'Gold digger' and 'old slapper'... who knows how true it is?

for those not too interested in highly specific nostalgia, here is a picture of a young lady peeling her gear off

Gee willackers mom!!!

Still making that thing that I was making. Here is a character from it

Tear the roof off

They are actually tearing the roof of right now. It sounds like three thumbless hungry giants trying to infiltrate a tin of beans

Things that are great at the end of this week

Rainbow oil film river glug

Undecided

wafer thin excuses

won't keep those necks from nooses

Big 'oles

see you in a bit

The weevil and the damage done

Things that are brilliant this week

Nowhat

Sartorial

There is a great blog/ web/ tumblr... whatever the hell they call it... and it has on pictures of people looking double slick... some times they look like right teapots but overall they have a great selection of those among us who possess natural elegance, taste and often, even POISE (I know, imagine that!!!). I spotted a fotie on there of some owd lad and it inspired this drawing.... there see, now wasn't that a waste of your time... back to work!

Cracked actor version 1a

soul love

Colombian superman

...spotted in Guernsey. 'I have nothing to say' he is reported to have ironically said

Then when ken

again, zen hen

2011, you leave me no choice....

...sure we had some good times... sure you saw me safely to my door with only the one heart wounding moment... sure you brought a large swath of jolly new pals my way... sure... yeah... all this is true... but... it's over, you hear? OVER! I just can't see you in my future anymore... clear your desk... and jog on

Ashlimb offa tha book o'kells boy!

Hello Bernard

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler

ding dong merrily on horrific

That milkshake brings all the yardies to the barge

Travelling without due care and a tendril

G'day cobber

Have a wash

It was the second of times, it was the first of times

Sir Robble Nobblinkton was and still is a completely forgotten hero of what used to be Great Britain. When the sun never set on the boiled potatoes and over roasted beef Sir Nobblinkton was up a tree in the sahara looking for signs of the lost Invisible Palm tribe... when the Kinks 'Waterloo Sunset' was at number one in the hit parade, Nobblinkton was to be found abandoned by his sherpas behind a bawdy house off Clacton's green line. At the same moment the teabag was invented Sir Robble Nobblinkton was falling from the sky in a burning craft of his own invention. Crash landing in today's Republic of Congo, which was then known simply as 'Derek' Sir Robble Nobblinkton spent twelve heat depraved days fighting his way back to civilisation. An excerpt from his diary reads:
'... 8th day, heat becoming unbearable...  put time aside to seriously consider removal of vest... completely bereft of anything to drink, may have to start on the water... discovered a rare form of 8 legged tree frog that lives on the ground and spins webs.... bitten by irate spider dissatisfied with tree frog comparison...'
    When he was spotted taking in the milk in a small village near the scottish border the world's press tore him to shreds, it turned out he made the whole yarn up inspired by tin tin comic books. Broke and in dire straits he sold all his friends for a tidy sum and looked all set to retreat from the precipice when he was suddenly sued for everything in a divorce by his tricky wife who cited his  'faliure to end sentences' as the cause of their estrangement. Representing himself he countered that 'What may be seen as a failiure to end sentences is in fact a....'. He is scheduled to die next tuesday in an open ceremony at the Hope and Anchor, denver street, liverpool. Ham salad and entertainment provided

Crimes against emotion

All aboard the Beige train!

Gibberish made easy

Even at this altitude I am often asked 'why?'. In answer I like to employ Winnie the Pooh's time served method of dealing with scratchy headed moments, the famous 'Cottleston Pie'. When that doesn't work I make a noise like a steam train until I find myself alone (usually this takes around 8 minutes)... today I am using green nails

If ya can't beat em.... whisk em

Call free on 0800 67836728292104677634B4545 (45) 45 45FOURFIVE45


It's the cash that I crave, a fat chequing book
give me tiled courtyards in the azores
not warmth, not dumplings nor loving look
book me in at monticarlo with the other bores

Jesus smelled what you did last supper

Killer civil servant

great glangling gizzards!

How much is that doggy with a window?

The one with the double glazed pane?
How much is that doggy's PVC window
i heard that they repell heavy rain

More rain based nonsense tomorrow....
same rain based nonsense time
same rain based nonsense channel

Bizarre Experiments in Tea

Anyone with ANY clue what type of result I was hoping for here, please contact me to clear things up

Rain in my shoes

Kentucky rain keeps coming down

Ovum chips?

Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad's tits... no wait... that's not it

Goat in the machine

New business opportunities available in 'your' area. Not your neighbourhood, oh no, the area that causes catholics to reach for the rosary... YES! THE BARGAIN DEBASEMENT!!!!! den den derrrrrrrr!

That difficult third album

I know what you're thinking, that's quite the hidden epigram isn't it? Well congratulations on a keen eye you lucky muppets. I wonder if anyone can see the REALLY hidden epigram that isn't even there?

Don't phone in, it's just for fun

Celebrate the middle man

I think the entertainment middle man is receiving faaaaaaaar too much credit these days. Simon Cowell is your archetypal entertainment middle man and unfortunately his parade of fantasist human fodder are all too willing to be the oil on his cogs. 

Last train to London

You make me sick

I mean that less than lightly

I prefer winter's coat

to the other type of whitey

just realised that 'whitey' can be used in the context of "Down with whitey"... that isn't what I was etty grat. I was refering to the types of reaction weekend visitors to Amsterdam's famous coffee shops often experience. Disorientation, garbled speech paddles, cold sweating, spinal shivers, dicky tummbly and wild presumptions as to whether or not you may be leaking something important... 'throwing a whitey' is the phrase that places all these interesting symptoms in a neat concise parlock

Twilight: sprayed sparkles

Sandra 'Flakes' Timpany entered the bar with a coiled whirl of street dust swozzling her fetlocks before skitting upon the floor boards with a camp swoon. 'How's the form?' asked a passing waitress without warmth or humour...or passing... there she stood mouth agape and tip winning ways prominently vying for a tent peg... tension.. ATtention. 'Fine' said Sandra, although she soon wozzle

Is it right that every mum's favourite vampire heart throb has gone and landed his on screen missus in the family way?

The war on telly

You know who was a great actor? The wee girl who played the wee girl in Fatal Attraction. There is a scene in which Michael Douglas and the wee girl are playing a card trick game trick and that girl, in the space of 20 seconds, out acts everyone else in the whole rest of the flick . I wonder what happened to her? She really did play the part brilliantly