Future wars coming soon

future wars are coming soon

using sand cannon and water pistol

from prison camps you'll hear the cries

from the beds that are fashioned from thistle

In case of emergency

Neven Nesic's cousin

here's neven nesic's cousin

at last count he had a dozen

this one sleeps beneath a tan

the rest crowd inside a caravan

the party of the first part

It was splendid and sleek
it went on for over a week
there were pukers there were fights
the police showed up on every night
we were together in the riotous laugh
the morning after we all moved gaff
such a success we should entertain again
I'll send you a post card telling you when

try to bed a bed wetter

try to bed a bed wetter
a wetted bed is best

Out here on the perimeter there are no stars

out here we are stoooooooooooooooooooooored.... efficiently

Officer please....

take these scissors away

Gaddafi Duck

this tiger lives in a tree right... and he does jigsaws and that right... and ...and he likes... he likes beans and and and... then and then he he ... he .... he likes jigsaws of beans... hyeah and and ....

Campari

Read a book

Rejiggling the jiggle

How did this great big bag of fun and frolics end up as this?....

It's called rejiggling

Why must they rejiggle?

Are movies like Saw (made for self harming goths and torture tourists) really what people want? Has Ndubz really gone triple platinum?

Of course it is the same as it ever was... when 'watch the tweety bird...snap' replaced the brush of the portrait painter I'm sure there was some huffing and puffing. Same as it ever was, only i have now reached the stage of noticing this perpetual rubbish. Hopefully the hipsters and their lack of 'anything' will act as a natural pause for breath then we can all go back living in caves and start the cycle again

Little old lady

The shed is dead

a great many fine ales supped, momentous plans heroically unattained, diabolical plots thwarted, air guitar taught, rock radio blarred, rain avoided, spare chicks entertained, before after and during parties rhubarbed and scallops destroyed.... no more shall we gaze on that fine hole in the wall refuge from the bleak reality of modern life... the shed is dead, long live the shed

... there's a new one on the way as it happens

Ce Francais mais n'est location

Going over there

The man with the Golden eyeball

...or 'How Boobzilla destroyed eggville' ... or 'Fried green engines' ... or 'Dr Crippen's toad army'

Chaos said the captain!

Tired and listless?

Sounds like you need a rest and a list.... fortunately, and for yesterday only ...'Ma's pickled ferry boat' restaurant and pick up joint can offer you both for as little as 13 grand a semester (whatever a semester is)

Squelch

Commpuder veeuw

This is how my computer things I look like... it's such a silly compudder

Well I used to love her...

... but it's all over now

Dog the bounty hunter

I swear that he actually said this in one of the episodes... full camera crew, 3 massive UVs, a blonde pillow thief, his entire family dressed as yankee armed seperatists... not to mention that the dog himself looks like a bizarre night at the grand old opre after things took a turn for the apocalyptic... and he tells some kid, who is understandably intrigued at the guerrilla circus troupe noisily hiding behind a fence, that it is 'the kid' who is drawing attention to the situation.

If any crims get picked up by these lads then, I would say, they aren't the sharpest bulbs in the knife box, shed

Hey Americans...

... or United staters... or yanks... or freedom bringers... or whatever the hell you call yourselves over there. It is clear that as the british and the 'you guys' are vastly different on many levels so being inevitably once in a while a question will present itself as to what the dickins you are talking about... today, such a present questioned itself... here it is-

What do you mean when you say 'you bet' ?

As in...

'hey high five, thanks for the like wow, baseball glove'

'you bet' (high five)

or

'can i have a massive doughnut?' (high five)

'you bet' (a different high five)

In exchange for any information on this subject i will gladly answer your queries on 'jellied eels', 'rag and bone men', 'jammy dodgers', 'end of the pier comedians', 'dry stone walls' and or 'cockney knees up spousal abuse'