Wednesday, March 31, 2010

God is in the details

I looked through the window
and painted on the glass
was a new and mysterious island
fired from a pigeon's ass

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Sharing, caring Eddie Wearing

She stood on the bridge at midnight
her lips were all a quiver
she gave a cough
her leg fell off
and floated down the river

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

super secret

She lived alone in a shot gun shack
with her fourteen kids and a flasher's mac

Monday, March 22, 2010

Brown paper ignorance

Here is my old pitch idea....................

Mallory Lumbago (concept)

Mallory Lumbago is an ordinary teenage girl with a haircut
and a desire to go to the prom. Only trouble is her cell phone
contains the spirit of long dead queen of the equestriad 'Ms Splint'.
High jinx and moralistic tales ensue as Ms Splint unleashes
back shattering orgasms through Mallory and her chums at precisely
the wrong moment (on a driving test, at the breakfast table, during unprotected
teen age sex). Her friends respond with their catch phrase 'OH MY GOD!'
which is either speeded up and repeated or slowed down to a painful level.
The friends are Rita Marley-A black activist. Clamidia-A chinese cripple
and Petra-a quirky robot with street smarts.

The stories take place in either the mall, the school gym or somewhere else.

Story outline- everyone needs a date for the prom even Tommo the light relief
(a jug eared nazi war criminal)... family values are reinforced like dull nails hammered
home without humour or imagination. Ms Splint administers her tuppence pleasures
and the girls say 'OH MY GOD!' in response to everything and anything.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Crispy midgets...

served on a sizzling bed of chopped onion with a side order of bees

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Monday, March 15, 2010

Helmand mayonaise.

With added hearts and minds

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Your call is important to us

The best thing about bankers is that one day they will need someone on minimum wage to wipe their arse having been deserted by their offspring spawned to continue their basic rotness

Monday, March 01, 2010

Pavlov's cat

Hi, my name is Randolph and today we are going to learn to whisper about
the people next door