Wednesday, October 25, 2006

killing in the name of........

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha funzie fun fun. 'trouble is as trouble does' our angry school llama used to say... before the 'unpleasantness'. i knew a fella at school who for no reason other than his own amusement let loose all the locusts out of a tank in science class. He was called Darren Walsh then and probably still is now... what a guy. In a similar vein but entirely different I let loose a hamster in a shared house I shared with some muppets whilst working in Liverpool. The hamster used this free time to go into secret places and meet with shadowy hairy wee beasts. After the fifth time I let the guy stretch his legs he had it away across the border to Mexico or Honduras or Bootle... it's hard to tell when all that he left was a note pinned to a cactus. It read simply 'Aza outta h'ey an' I don' be comey bag' ...his english was appauling and upon reading the scrawl i vowed never to speak of him again ....doh!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Miscreants of the world unite and ... oh it seems they already did.

I dreamt of a girl waving her arms about, at least i think they were hers.. didn't really see any proof of purchase but i was prepared to give her the benefit of the trout.. which was also waving it's arms about. yeah i know, all three ding dong ding dong, givin' it some rice an nay 'alf measures bless yer crikey knees up Ian Brown. You ever try that mango? That's some good stuff, a bit messy but ultimately very satisfying in the belly department and apparently as it is now in the EU it can enjoy all the status of other 'fruit'. Like the noble Orange, that old stalwart of survey avoidance. the British apple, the unlikely recursor of punk rock revolution and mucky shinanegins in the graveyard. The mighty lap wing with it's filthy beak and unrepentant stockings and of course 'nettles' the spicey mate of the dopey dock leaf both of which i am certain have been rubbed on a pig down at River cottage after Hugely Fearned Whittingstump moved in and started with the blather.
The above are girls and the ben Gunns were rejected sketches from a pitch i made for some extra happy. they were rejected on the grounds that the brief stipulated 'gerbers' the tragically named pretty flower. If only i read these things before constantly trying to pass off Ben Guns for every job i chase... I could probably save a lot of time. Up to 14 hours a week, which is no small potatoes... still you can't take it with you can you? Well 'appen you could cram a few spuds in the muddy box with you.. In the event you left strict instructions for that type of carry on.. is that carry on? Did you pack it yerself? Did anyone ask you to take something on the plane for them? have you any lighters, liquids, guns, bullets, curry powder, harpoons, exotic thoughts, unpublished manuscripts in yer bag there? Ok you are free to get on a plane... but don't let us catch you doing it again! D'yer 'ere me!?! Stop smirking and on yer go.. bloody hooligans.

Monday, October 09, 2006


Yeah you know, rainboy aka 'Ocean' aka funny talking sort. here is the picture that I couldn't send as you gave me no address ya saucey mare. Anyway.............

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


A rejected fellow that i had lined up for a top secret project that I cannot tell the likes of you about. He sells peppermint to people with none.