Vincent the shoe clerk

It's like a record sleeve...geddit? ah suit yer self then.......

The bottomless cake

Sure it had no bottom, some days people would gather to jeer. other days (coincidently when it was over cast with the prospect of drizzle) they sent jeer smeared post cards and fancy goods which could be interpreted as jeers made tangible.... Here! My rice puddin's on the fritz again pass me that angle wrench would yer Billy. Ey Billy, what's with them hand singnals them lads in gangs do? All that three fingers over there, two over here. then a drive way shoot shoot over some hoes and a bit of 'bidniz'.



You know those doodles people do in meetings?? yeah, well not me my friend, oh no. No meetings for this guy. No, certainly no indeed. here are some doodles i did while not having a meeting the other day. I mentioned to the young secretary not taking notes that she had beautiful skin. She said i had a big nose. he laughed carelessly like children in spring... I fell quickly in love... we laughed some more... I noticed she had lots of fillings... she noticed i kept using the three '...' system to insinuate an active mind and had no time for grammatical correctness. She was gone the next day. i was posted overseas... ahh the fickle fingers of fate poking us in the eye every chance they get.

You can't chew 'THAT' !

nope, it just isn't cricket

Reclining nude. A bronze study in F sharp

'Beatrice, i say, Beatrice' I said looking upon the languid soft topped Brazilian smut inducer. 'Beatrice' i said again for good luck. 'What?' said Beatrice in response to my earlier prodding. 'I am off to tattivate my reclining bronze study in nude sharp repose' I elaborated. 'I'll have 'alf a guiness' exclaimed Beatrice through a bubble at the corner of her lips.

ballooning over the seychelles.. cash back guarantee

yeah new boat for captain beard there... and a sketch that i done did at Mr Christian 'shandyland, female bothering' Garland's sketch affair every thursday, bring some beers club here at the jolly old Cartoon Saloon.
For the most part i prefer proping myself up on one elbow (no not that one the other) while watching seagulls dabble in black mumbo laaaaate into the night... until....

Both kids are good to mom, blood's thicker than mud...it's a family affairrrrrr

This is Alpert felons and some girls i drew after reading that very excellent nazi smasher comic by the fella... You should have a look, i bet you' like it.. no really 4 quid. Shake on it. them girls all had to be sorted in case the vicar came round and waved his wooden leg at it. the names in all these drawings have been changed to partially protect those black legs in City hall.
That's right, Tattoos. Once the badge of honour for murderers, house breakers or run away circus delinquents. now a fashionable accessory to show everyone you were raised in polynesia. those ones that point at girls bums are the best. 'Does my bum look big in this?' Yeah and there's a feckin big floral swirling tribal tattoo pointing it out. It's getting so that the criminal element and bar brawling sailors are having their long standing and rightfully deserved good name besmirched by the likes of David beckham and that scouse one out of the spice girls and Angelina jolie... did anyone stop to ask why??? Big feckin crucifixes and gothic gibberish weaving in and out of chinese symbols for 'carp'. What happened along the way? Where did the skulls playing cards with dice and a knife in the eye socket go??
that's right asking the difficult questions and getting a busted nose... that's me, on the front line for you, the tethered idiot.
Drawing in flash is extremely pleasant and the best thing is when you have filled loads of space over about a half hour and you become lost in the moment it is perfectly within your capabilities to delete everything with a badly timed button.

You think you're big time?? well you gonna die, big time

You know when blondie does that rap in Rapture about the 'man from mars eating cars and now he only eats guitars...' yeah?? well i never know wether to cringe or not. Sometimes i do cringe sometimes i direct movies from the inside which I project onto the side of buildings in poor neighbourhoods as part of my guilt over being born in the north.
this picture is for Captain beard and his merry adventures being rejected by woman and society in general but women in particular... and society in general.

see that wee tacker in nepal? He's only little you know

This is it kids... the big one... the marathon.... not yer average 50 yard dash of happy... this is the olympics, cross country style. Oh yeah, bet yer boots it is. Captain Beard!!!
he sails the several seas,
with a beard down past his knees.
he sails the oceans blue,
with a beard like that it is simple to do.
he is entirely made of hair,
baldies claim it isn't fair.
his mother sold him to barnum
under the proviso they wouldn't harm him (yeah i know)
he escaped in the dead of night
under a tent flap painted black to stop any light
just like velvet curtains
or was it heavy blinds? ..I can't be certain
Ahhh i give up
three cheers fer captain beard... hip hip.... ahhhh phooey