Charabang

Best prices paid for copper piping and box spring mattresses.

sidepants invisible

I drew this and then wondered if anyone liked it. I thought 'ah yes that looks to be filled with fun' and lo and behold neither did anyone else... tis a tough world looking through the billets of fallen comrades.

a letter to crispin garland

Yeah Christian I am in the Canada (see above for the right and proper approach to enjoying the great outdoors) where the moose roam around the landing at two in the morning without putting the light on. Anyways around there are bears and chip monks and all kinds of big things from here and about. Here is a picture of me near a huge canadian puddle which they call a lake. There are tonnes of dudes up here and lots of silly all the while. The sun has got his hat on!

cripple biscuit nipple man cat

I think it means motorway crash in french

Further secret things

Instead of calling them 'Black Comedies' why don't they just say 'not funnies' . Not only is it more honest but will save countless time usually wasted by people not dissimilar to me giving the feckin show half a chance in the vain hope that 'this time, this time it just might be funny'

It was at that precise moment....

is new non sugar sugar actually better for you than actual sugar sugar? Is pepsi easier to arrange than coca cola? Was that programme 'thirty something' actually as shite as I remember it to be?

buns don't kill people, gullets kill people

Take a click on this garbage for a cheap thrill

dooooooooooodull

jet lag boogie

Big Sam Allardyce has left the building
A cheap holiday in other peoples misery

Going on yer jollies???!!!!

Ahhhhh shaddap!

vague statements...what??

Two? On a bus seat that isnae connected to the floor... two? Cowboy with Dickensian hair doo? What does it all mean?

My mate Milenko

I drew these after seeing some pictures by my great show biz buddy {pauses for appplause and 'knowing' show business guffaws} and chief doodler of stretched 'just right' anatomy {Further applause, shouts of 'HURRAH' in capital lettuce}. Why not go take a peep at his blog? I have put his link there on the right... go on don't be afraid. {Exits stage left to tremendous silence and tomatoes}

Processed Monkey

A) Get all excited by Albruno Rubbles and his high flying new york address. Immediately begin drawing girls in order to curry favour and cement a gaff to crash at in the big apples should they ever let you out of the institute.

B) Realise the error of your ways blundering into what will inevitably be some heavy heavy competition so far as capturing the human form in lines.

9) Sack previous efforts and hope no one noticed the lame arsed endevours you tried to pass off as artictricumen (which is a pretend word).

C) While no one is looking twist the initial weak pose and then use red to drape ‘interest’ all about the place. Sure no one will give a pip but the bright colours may just give you enough minutes to phone a joe baxi and get the feck out of dodge.

F) Continue with drapery upon realising the battery is low on your phone and taxis will save you not.

Tuesday) Abandon ship and take entire different direction. Up until now I doubt anyone was paying attention anyway… what we call the ‘honeymoon period’ of any drawing is often left to the folly of youth or the blind stagger of divorce/ second chance.

E) Yep, now we’re talking, start thinking of that firm thigh striding sauce bottle you picked up a some point in your life. Mmmmmmm I’ll never forget whatsername… allow three to five minutes for blurred memories and delusion of stallion like performance.

W) Indulge time honoured tradition of barely tinkering with the drawing whilst whistling a confident tune. ‘ Yeah sure it’s a new design’ this secures extra money depending on the look in your eyes and the wording on the invoice.

Hat) After being knocked back for confident whistling whilst barely tinkering, add hat. Who’s gonna notice right? Also note ‘gothic colour scheme’ it pays to keep up with what
the fashion unconscious alternative scene is up to in your local sewer.

13) foolishly travel down dead end street using sex clobber to grab attention. Not realising that they even sell cough medicine in modern times using lubed up cheer leaders
and sound tracks of filth.

13) Ok fair enough lesson learned. sex no longer sells. It merely reflects the attitudes of the bourgeoisie and their world killing attitudes to putting a price on everything from boobs to bird song. With this in mind revert to one of your own personal kinks, in this case tennis players. yes yes ok, tennis players in a scantily clad fashion. yeah alright and without a racket… yeah and a skirt, jeez! I just appreciate the contrast of white against tanned hide OK!

Yep) Suddenly notice that the drawing has bow giraffe legs. Try to continue by comparing sillouette to previous attempts…. look at clock… reach for beer (now empty).
Head for bed forlorn.

wonder plant

I was just reading about a plant called 'siliphium' that is now extinct. It is a great shame that this particular plant is no longer with us when you read of it's many wonderful uses. Here is the list- Aside from uses in the kitchen as an ingredients in sauces and as a garnish it was also good at treating coughs, sore throats, fevers, indigestion, fluid retention, aches and pains. the sap was used to remove warts and other growths and was also useful against snake bites..... here is the best bit though 'when mixed with wine it was said to make serpents explode' !!!! Brilliant... also it put sheep to sleep and made goats sneeze. Other uses included restoring hair and treating leprosy.
It is no longer with us but grew when it did in Libya. I just went searching for images on the internet but as it is extinct it was a small and futile gander. Here is another picture just in case.
Clicky for hidden message

Keeping it teal

Everyone is at it these days... even me

It gets worse

I was holding out until it at least got a little bit average but alas it has taken a turn for the downwards. i could lie and say this is some pre-production work for an up coming project, and it is but you wouldn't believe that. We have both grown apart, we used to laugh all the time, now what with the kids, the over time and of course the galloping infedelity... i always used to think that infidelity was when your radio didn't work... and i don't know why. i know the kids from fame did a song called 'high fidelity' it went-

high fidelity hi hi hi hi

high fidelity hi, hi fidelity

high fidelity hi hi hi hi

keepin it right

wearing your tights

alllright

something like that, not very inspired i know. What that has to do with broken radios I have no clue.

All flash is grass

Like Heinz, we never reveal our sauces... that's not right is it?

The naked and the dead

they say hard work and a will to win is all you need to succeed... two questions arise from such a statement. 1- Who are they? and 2- What the feck are they talking about? What about brute force and ignorance? Asbestos?! never did me any harm... powder rock... what?

47 animation less on

When dealing with scenes that may or may not contain banks do try and include a detachable conk, eye lid or cake tin. It takes the 'real life' stress out of peoples peepers when viewing any bank related tom foolery. {SFX: Chortle, snort, cripple, swings, round about squeek}.

Animation lesson 23...making a lovelly

Whilst being here on the earth we should all try our Georgiest Best to make a happy and fine thing to see. In my case i am making a silly wee cartoon that needs millions of hours of hard graft just as animation usually does. So far this project has taken me 37 years (cat years they are too... 9 shillings in old money) and no sign of an end to it.

Everyones favourite lech

I don't do very well the, how you say? Carrotofyours, yes no not good so i happy that making the success of my pal ray. nice fellow, lock up yer door stops.

Freeman Wilby Tea Pot

In my every day occupation as a big shot I am inundated with idiots and hawkers trying to push their latest brain fart on me. I am always gracious and talk with them for a few minutes before getting the security to teach them a lesson as they exit my solid gold building on Platinum nums lane here in Mayfair London cheap fags and spec savers. Above posted are some top notch ideas i myself have come up with as a beacon if you will for others less stupid than I to follow and one day own a fleet of brass prams themselves. Of course these are just ideas quickly jotted down but the fact that is was me who did the jotting makes them bankable with all the big studios.. in fact I printed some copies off on my solid uranium epson copier (with silk buttons) and exchange them for cash at every high street bank in Swaziland. I spent the money on cristal bottox at 12 million dollars a bottle which i poured on the floor like my hero 50 cent. It was quite a night.

Soft Focus Gravy Machine

That's a true story right there. I was shopping for sandreflex, which is a type of poison only effective on milners and it all just kind of 'happened'. i was a shocked as the next fella who was not shoked in the least.

High Calypso

More or less. the jumping dude there is based on a character I spotted in the fortean times a highly readable bunch of magazine hello

Old crap for Christmas

some old fellows from the olden days... clicky click click... aaalright. The trumbonet player animates if you clicky click him

At last! A good campaign that we can all be proud of about good yes

Look now. D'ya see? yes indeed yer peepers do not deceive me. using an ordinary pair of scissors and some paper with pictures I have created this wonderfully horrible lady. I propose that you do the same instead of sitting there complaining about the price of butter and picking gnats off your gibbon, missis! From the start of 2007 and running up until it peters out quickly around January the 6th try to make things that you wouldn't ordinarily make. It's good for your spirits and chicks dig it too. It's not photoshop either, you have to do it with scissors and real danger.

symbols of cymbals

yep. cardboard back scratchers

people i didn't see while not out sketching them

I spent some time not drawing people I didn't see and these two where probably the most prominent out of the whole none of them. There wasn't quite an unbunch to look through i can tell you. After i finished not doing it I had a good stand up and no cup of tea.
I learnt a valuable lesson though... and if we can all do that every day then by the end of a month we'll have learnt 30 lessons (unless it's february)

less4on four four

click on image to gain an insight into how exactly the big wigs animate jelly headed bowls of spuds traversing a beauty spot on a neato summers morning day day when they have left their arms at home or in the shop, that's a 'store' to any readers from New bangers or Montreally good. Oh thanks

Lesson 12. the theory of 'Dog'

One of the common causes of dog animation in cartoons is a story (or 'plot line' as we call it in hollywood) about some sort of canine. If you refer to lesson 'zark' I am sure you will guess my next point.... yeah that's correct. Dogs have four legs... which is triple + one hard to animate. For this reason Montgomery Clift sat down with boffins in 1867 (the golden age of radio) and invented the 'sat dog' approach to the problem of the four legs. This method demands that if a dog or dogs are to be depicted in a cartoon film they should be sat down. Pretty much anything dog shaped can and will look fine sat in the direction of down. This weeks assignment will be go out and buy some dogs and observe them like Teste Zoom Bang does in Spain. If you cannot afford a several dog then go to a neighbours house and peer through the windows at anything sat down on the chairs. Do not forget your patented leather 'animators balaclava' though. With all the weirdos about these days you can't be too careful.

animation lesson number five

Lesson seven is about the creation of interest in your film or movie or film. in the above example you can see clearly that there is a tension in the air and the young revolutionary fellow is all too aware of his own mortality. Obviously you will be unable to summise your own story in so few lines. I am however, a proffessional of many years standing and so can instantly capture the imagination and attention of the viewer, drawing them into the story itself. Such lofty accomplishments will come in time but firstly i suggest you make a simple scene wherein a man who has recently lost his umberella on a bus (very common, making it more easy to animate). he of course purchases another, well you never know do you? On returning home he finds that his original umberella is by the door where he left it and not as he thought 'lost'. As you can see this is a straight forward, up and down premise. for added simplicity use stop motion animation and nothing but eggs. good luck

animation lesson number zark

Lesson number one is simple. When making a walk cycle first thing to do is design a character with no legs. Obviously one leg is easier to animate than two. this logic naturely concludes that animating 0 legs is easiest of all. On you go then kiddies, give it a red hot go

yeah yeah yeah....no

Did yer notice how coronation street is filling up wi' cockle knees and all that pavlova? yeah, well i did and let me tell you kind faced idiot that you are... I plan on doing something about it!

they're selling dreams in creams

they're selling dreams in creams
Hot love swinging from beams
laughter 'til you bust yer seams
bus journey ball room in your jeans
All day sunshine parks with themes
No matter the direction that a fellow leans
old cripples or cheeky teens
no one will question what it means
to have your dreams realised by marketing teams.